Plot Twist!!
Fun in a movie, but not so fun in real life. When things don’t go the way you expect, what do you do next– especially, if the plot twist is something painful or terrible or devastating? Let’s be real, most plot twists, even the movie ones, are shocking and gut wrenching. That’s what makes movie plot twists fun and real-life plot twists the opposite of fun.
When life doesn’t go the way we were expecting, and let’s be honest, that happens pretty often, our human tendency is to freak out or panic or explode or retreat. It looks different depending on the person, but basically, our natural human response is to see something that looks like it’s going to hurt us and get as far away as possible. Makes sense, right? Of course it does. This is evolutionary; it’s what keeps us from getting eaten by bears and run over by cars. It is also the psychological response that prevents us from having the most meaningful and valuable life.
There is another way. It’s a different way of interacting with life experiences other than running the opposite direction. ACT, short for Acceptance and Commitment Training, is an approach to life that’s all about helping you accept life as it is—flaws, messiness, and all—while still committing to living in a way that aligns with your values.
ACT combines the psychological skills of mindfulness, acceptance, and behavior engagement in a way that is refreshing and freeing compared to some of the more traditional approaches. The idea is simple: stop running from your inner struggles and hard moments, and instead, embrace them (yes, even the uncomfortable ones) while choosing actions that move you toward a life that truly matters to you.
In other words, ACT isn’t about getting rid of all your problems. It’s about learning how to get along with them and interact with them differently. You don’t have to banish your fears, worries, or negative thoughts. Instead, you learn how to live with them without letting them control your life.
It’s Science, But Not Rocket Science
ACT is based on scientific principles that are proven to increase psychological resilience and satisfaction, but don’t let that scare you. Just because it’s science, doesn’t mean it’s not accessible (pssst, it just means it actually works). In fact, the principles of ACT and psychological resilience can be broken down into three simple concepts:
- Be present
- Open up
- Do what matters
Let’s expand a little bit on each so we can apply the impact of each one.
Be present: This is the ability to direct your mind to the here and now, the present, the right this second. Being in the present is important not because it’s a cute little psychological saying, but because the present is the only place where you can actually DO anything. You can’t act in the past or in the future—but it would be great if we could, right? The present is the only place where your action matters. Being present allows us to focus on what is happening in the only space in our life where we can actually choose what is happening and re-focus when we feel like our thoughts are wandering to the present or future where we have literally no control at all.
Open up: This is the willingness to make room for thoughts and feelings and allow them to exist without having to change them. This is super important, because to interact with our life experiences differently, we must be willing to let them exist as they are without trying to change them. Remember that thoughts and feelings are things that run through you without consent. If you could prevent feeling anxious or angry or irate, you would probably already be doing that. Instead of fruitlessly trying to control things that are out of your control, you can ‘open up” and allow these things to exist in your world without changing your chosen outcomes.
Do what matters: This where the act part of ACT happens. Doing what matters allows you to be clear about what you want out of life and what is valuable to you. More importantly, it allows you to choose the actions that you want to engage in in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, so that you can achieve the things that are important to you. It’s the empowering step of doing the things you want in your life.
Why Does ACT Work?
It’s not magic, but it is effective. ACT works because it helps you get out of the cycle of struggle. Instead of trying to eliminate negative emotions or avoid them at all costs, ACT teaches you to live alongside them without letting them run the show. This leads to a more flexible, resilient, and meaningful way of living.
Plus, ACT isn’t just about thinking positively or hoping things will get better. It’s about taking concrete steps in the direction of your values, no matter how small those steps may be. So when life feels like it’s coming at you too fast, ACT provides a roadmap for making progress, even when the path feels unclear.
The Takeaway: You’re Already Enough
At the heart of ACT is this beautiful idea: You’re not broken. You don’t need to “fix” yourself. Instead, you can choose to live in a way that reflects your values, even when life isn’t perfect. There will always be bumps in the road and sometimes the path forward may be very uncertain, but ACT gives you the steps to embrace the plot twist with a bit more confidence.
